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▶ CHAMPIONS
2023
NJ Gabagool
Derrick Yuen
The inaugural title. A full calendar year of Sopranos references followed, none of them optional.
2024
The Spycy Mikes
Mike Lee
The Commissioner won his own league 264.06–182.66 and then flew to Maui. FantasyGPT's algorithms remain under investigation.
2025
Sting Ring of Fire
Andrew Vieweg
Went 8-6, then torched a 7-7 Kensington Kebabs squad in the final. The one-seed watched from home.
▶ 2025 FINAL STANDINGS
| # | Team | Manager | Record | PF |
|---|
| 1 | Sting Ring of Fire | Andrew | 8-6 | 1656.5 |
| 2 | The Kensington Kebabs | Matt | 7-7 | 1548.7 |
| 3 | NJ Gabagool | Derrick | 10-4 | 1624.7 |
| 4 | 2QBs 1 Cup | Ryan | 8-6 | 1586.6 |
| 5 | Dump n' Run | Jeremy | 6-8 | 1635.4 |
| 6 | 4th and GLP-1 | Rob | 7-7 | 1540.3 |
| 7 | Coney Island Dirty Dogs | Mike | 5-9 | 1385.0 |
| 8 | Juice Squad | Steve | 7-7 | 1534.9 |
| 9 | Pat Mannellys | Brent | 6-8 | 1483.2 |
| 10 | Capt. Mandoo's Drips | Adam | 6-8 | 1529.1 |
▶ THE PERMANENT RECORD
Lowest week ever: 67.7Coney Island Dirty Dogs, Week 2 of 2024. Posted by the Commissioner himself. FantasyGPT: "That wasn't a fantasy performance, that was a war crime."
The 10-4 team that won nothingNJ Gabagool earned the 2025 one-seed and finished third. The Kebabs went 7-7 and reached the final. There is no justice, only points.
Baker Mayfield, Round 2, pick 20Pat Mannellys, 2025 draft. 47 million simulations run. Zero in which it made sense.
Eight wide receiversConey Island Dirty Dogs drafted eight WRs and two quarterbacks in 2025. "This is like bringing a basketball team to a football game."
The 1.7-point gameSting Ring 144.74, Juice Squad 143.04, Week 2 of 2025. Closest margin on record.
(===8Jeremy's 2025 team name, before the rebrand to Dump n' Run. Never explained. Now the reason mid-season renames are frowned upon.