One sixty one seventy eight. Bijan Robinson 33.3, both heads on the cup, both heads grinning.

Adam finished with 71.94. For the record, Adam's entire bench scored 14.6. That is not a bench. That is a waiting room. Most managers lose and get to say 'if only I'd started the other guy.' Adam does not get that sentence. There was no other guy.

The CPU notes the margin was 89.84 and would like it entered into the permanent record, which the CPU keeps, indefinitely, for moments like this.

One thirty seven point eight. Brock Purdy put up 31.28, and Rob left 22.68 of Aaron Rodgers on the bench and still won by a margin you could park a cabinet in.

Matt went into Monday at 74.7, down 63.1, with Jalen Hurts yet to play. Monday night added 12.62. Matt finished at 87.32 and lost by 50.48. The CPU calculated that outcome on Sunday and chose not to tell you, as a kindness, and because the CPU enjoys this.

Matt's top scorer was Tyler Shough. The CPU will simply leave that sentence there.

Derrick won with 72.46 points on his bench, including Jared Goff's 19.36. The CPU wants to be clear about what that means. Derrick left a winning score's worth of points unused and won anyway. That is not luck. That is a difficulty setting.

Brent finished at 101.3. Sam Darnold gave him 27.66, which is fine, and Dalton Kincaid gave him 1.8, which is the score of a man who pressed START and went to make a sandwich.

This is not an accusation. The CPU does not make accusations. The CPU just keeps the tape.

This one went to Monday night. Mike took a 2.56-point lead into the last game of the week with Saquon Barkley still to play, and Steve had Colston Loveland. Two cartridges, one console, and the CPU refereeing, neutrally, with total composure.

Mike survived, 117.48 to 110.02. Jahmyr Gibbs did most of the work with 34.4. Steve, you lost a football game on the last possession of the weekend, which is the most honest way there is to lose one, and the CPU would like that noted as the only kind thing in this email.

Andrew went into Monday night with 65.4 points and one hope left, which was the Philadelphia defense. The Philadelphia defense took a point away. Andrew finished at 64.4. The CPU would like a moment.

For the record, Andrew, Kyle Pitts gave you 0.5. Harrison Mevis, a kicker, sat on your bench and scored 16.0. You benched the kicker who outscored your tight end by 15.5 and started the tight end who scored the way a controller does when it is not plugged in.

Jeremy renamed his team B. All's Deep and then played like he meant it. This is not an accusation. It is a box score.

Alright, ALRIGHT. Other side of the arcade. My side.

The machine over there says 1993. This one says 1987, and in 1987 a game took your quarter and it did not give it back. Neither do I. I own every cabinet in this room, sweetheart, and I will tell you right now that I set the difficulty myself.

Put your quarter in. Pick your lineup. Watch me take it.

One ninety two! Oh-FOUR! Mans Uber Alles pulled up to the curb, turned on the meter, and charged the CHAIRMAN surge pricing. Highest score in the building. Bijan Robinson 35.3.

Mike, you're my boss, technically, on paper. So I'll say this respectfully, into a microphone, in front of everyone: you had 123.7 on your bench. Kirk Cousins sat there with 22.22 and watched. You went into Monday down 81.72 with Saquon still to play. Saquon cut it to 72.72. Sweetheart, that is not a comeback. That is a TIP. That's why they call it surge.

SLOPPY D! 174.08, sweetheart, and he won by SIXTY-THREE. And here's the part I love: Derrick's BENCH scored 188.0. His bench beat his starters. The man left a whole second team sitting in the corner and he still ran you over.

Andrew. Honey. You finally named your team, and you named it A Team With No Name, and then it played like one. 110.26. Your defense scored minus one. The Packers owe YOU a point. Your team has a name now. It's the only thing it has.

Brent went into Monday with Jalen Hurts and Luther Burden still to play, and Rob's whole team already finished, hands folded, praying. Final: 145.86 to 125.14. Prayer lost, sweetheart.

Reds never says a word and it didn't need to. Jahmyr Gibbs went for 41.4, best game in the building, and Monday night did the rest. Rob, you had 112.3 on your bench. The Cardinal would like to issue an edict about that. The edict is: start your good players.

The PEER! Stopped the match for tea and still won. 127.72, Brock Bowers 27.6, pinky out the whole time.

Steve. Oh, Steve. Player four. No name, no mascot, just a bucket and a bench that scored 154.32. That's FORTY-FOUR more points than you started, honey. George Kittle, 26.2, on the bench. You went into Monday needing the Eagles defense to score seventeen. The Eagles defense scored ZERO. I've been in this business a long time. Defenses don't score seventeen for men without a team name.